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Tuesday, 1 November 2011

Eish to marry young...

I remember the days when I used to revel at the very idea of getting all glammed up and hitting the town with my girls. My room in dissarray with dresses and leggings strewn on the floor, testifying to my indecision. Stilleto heels, expensive perfume in the air, Mac make-up and clutch bags in tow. A real Sex and the City type of existence. Ah, the good old days.

Since I got married three years ago, I've noticed a very worrying trend. It seems that most of my friendships have changed. Obviously my friendships with guys would change, that was to be expected. Unfortunately I'm talking about my girl friends; some of whom I have known for many years. In fact now that I think about it, my best friend and I started to seemingly speak two different languages pretty much the minute the ink dried on my marriage certificate, and the more I tried to reach out to her- the more I seemed to lose her. It broke my heart. Sadly this is not the only friendship that has suffered a similar fate. I've wrestled with this for a while now, but mostly I think I have been in denial about it.

As the party invites dwindled over the years, so did the impromptu 'lets meet for coffee' type requests. I get it though, or at least I think I do. People who are not married think that the minute you get married, your life needs to change. Yes, on a personal level a lot of changes occur- the main one being the fact that you now have to adjust your thinking to include 'us' not just 'me' anymore. The truth is, making the decison to get married is in itself a big enough adjustment in your life, the last thing you need is for everything, and your friends to suddenly seem foreign too.

Another thing is that my friends assume that I am not available to come out with them anymore. So whenever plans are being made to either go out or to go away for those awesome 'girls-only' weekends, my invite seems to always get lost in the mail. Then they have the gall to say - "Oh Sal, how we wish you were there" and my answer is always the same- I would have loved to have been there, had I known about it.

I must confess, my poor husband is sick to death of me moaning about how much i miss my girls, so much so, that at every turn, he practically pushes me out of the door to go and socialise with my 'friends'. So I guess you could say that I often find that I'm all dressed up with no where to go.

Have I changed? Are my friends just assuming that because I got married, it means I have changed? A lot of people say I should just start to hang out  with other other married peeps. The thing with getting married young is that most of the people you know and hang out with, aren't married and herein lies the dilemma. Seeing as most of the married people I know are older than my husband and I, we dont connect with them as much as we would with our peers because our peers know our struggles and understand where we are at as individuals.

Okay, okay, enough moaning. Here is a friendly plea to all my favourite girls... Before I was someone's wife, I was just simple old me. I still have the same dreams, fears and idiosyncracies. I still have a crazy laugh, a big appetite and the same set of shoulders to cry on. The truth is; the reason that you think I am not there anymore- is not because I moved, it is actually because you have.