Agony aunt Sal- "Where have all the good men gone?"
My friends often jokingly refer to me as their 'Agony aunt' because of how often I get asked to give advice on relationships. I guess once you are married people automatically think that it makes you an expert on all things love-related, or it could just be that I am getting particularly good at looking like i have got it together.(*wink*) Well, whatever their reasons are, I really do like wrapping my head around particularly tricky relationship matters.
Which brings me to the reason for writing this particular post. Not so long ago someone asked me, where all the good men have gone? She complained to me that she just can't seem to find one anywhere! Where are some good places where one can meet stable, good men?
So I gave it some thought;There are definately good men out there; it is not just a rumour. It is what defines a good man that varies from person to person. To some women a good man is one who provides for them and makes them feel financially secure. For some it is a man who spends time with them, whenever they want, and for others it is a man who does all these things and more.
In terms of your question about where are the places to meet good men? Well my first question to you would be where have you been looking? I have found that there are no set dos and don’ts when it comes to matters of the heart. Some things work for others but they may not necessarily work for you. Any place can be a place where you can meet a stable, good man. I have often heard some people say that you shouldn’t fall for a man that you meet in a nightclub. But honestly speaking, just because you happen to meet a man you like in a church, it doesn’t automatically mean that he is a good man and it does not mean that he will never hurt you or lie to you. It all still depends on the type of person he is.
Sometimes we go out of our way trying to find a good man, only to find that what we have been searching for has been right there beside us all along. A lot of the time you find that we are chasing the ideal men we see on TV and in the movies, men who buy their TV girlfriends flowers, cards and candy everyday; men who always have time on their hands, and who can just plan impromptu tropical island holidays for two at the drop of a hat. These things sound heavenly, but are not always realistic. Perhaps you need to start asking yourself whether you have not created such high standards for the type of man that you want that now almost every man that you meet can’t live up to your expectations.
Need some sound advice? drop me an email- sallygatez@gmail.com. who knows? I may just do this regularly.
Agony aunt Sal signing out. :-)
Aunt Sal,
ReplyDeleteThis is the one topic that will NEVER die. Especially when women continue to strike fear in the hearts of good men out there. Fear you ask... yes fear.
Just the other day I hosted a networking session with a few opinion leaders. we somehow ended up talking about how nearly impossible it is to approach a woman on the side of the street, at a book shop, supermarket or even a bar. "Impossible"? Very much so.
All this time I thought I was alone in this facade that women are either rude or not willing to explore the possibility of a stranger having good intentions. To my surprise, another gentleman around the table shared a similar sentiment in that regard.
I'll give you an example, just the other day I was on the Gautrain and there was a woman who was clearly struggling with her luggage on her way to the airport. Was I about to offer some help... not a chance. Why? Women here have this idea that every guy around town wants to get inside their pants. While this may be a primary objective for most men, it's not the case for all of us. I wouldn't even dare to ask for directions from a woman because I don't want to fall into the same basket as the womanizers that all women are running away from.
However, I do not blame you ladies.A lot of guys simply don't have tact and women have many reasons to have picket fences around themselves.
On the flipside though, I struggle to understand how a woman who has to deal with the "pants on the ground, XXXL t-shirt, no job, weed smoking" brother in America can still accommodate a simple "Hi, how are you?" It is so much easier to talk to women overseas.
I guess the debate will go on for days if not years but to sum it all up, there are good men out there. In fact a lot of them. Try not to have a blanket approach on all men out there.
J-C
I totally agree.I hope you dont think i was implying in my response to my friends question that there are no good men out there, in fact i was saying the opposite. They are every where, women just have to let go of all the preconceived notions that we have.
ReplyDeleteI also think the day we women know what we really want for ourselves,then we will be able to let yall in on it as well. this will help to ensure that good men ,such as yourself, will undoubtedly not be afraid of offering to help a sister out with her luggage...(Gosh, to think I have been wondering where all the gentlemen in joburg had gone to...kganthi they were just scared to help me out..wink..)
thanks for your comment...interesting.
You are so right especially on the part "the right man could be right under your nose " that was/is the case with my man .We dated back in high school for about 3months but we still kept in contact . He wanted us to get back together and I didn't cause I had a different description of him . Simply because my close friend use to say he loves clubbing and amantombazane ,Only to find ukuthi he's not like that and we love the same things . The rest is history Ive never been this happy all my life .
ReplyDeleteMy point is My Mr Right could never be your Mr Right my man is not perfect but he is perfect for me . So ladies stop looking at what your friend has or your favorite character kwi Generations , DO YOU !
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ReplyDeleteWell said, lady....THANKS for commenting.
ReplyDeleteAnd well done for not allowing other people to define who and how your perfect man should be.
Goodluck to you both.
Thanks Sal :-)
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